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Jennifer Y. Caspe-Cocuaco's Website

No Longer Two, But One

Groggily, I managed to creep to the bathroom this morning to find a flower and note on the toilet seat. Only then did it dawn on me that today marks the 6th month of my marriage. My husband has outdone himself again. He is great at pulling off little surprises like this. And he never seems to forget to greet me every 3rd of the month. And to my shame, he has so far hands down beaten me to it. My forgetfulness in this area has many times made him wonder out loud who the real girl is in the relationship.

Photo Taken on April 3, 2009 

My husband may be an expert with little surprises, but he’s bad at keeping the big ones to himself. A couple of weeks ago, he woke me up early in the morning just to announce, “We’re going to travel to __ on our anniversary!” only to regret it later for telling me way in advance. It should have been a surprise, but he was so happy he had to inform me about it. My adorable husband then tried to make up for it by looking for other destinations to append to that anniversary trip, but I always managed to blow his cover.

Never in my life did I expect marriage to be this much fun. Honestly, I feel like a girl playing house with my best friend. It pays that at this age we still enjoy playing games! It amazes me how many hiding places we’ve managed to find in our cute 24-square meter apartment. (Oprah, you have to give us a bigger house!) Or how many times I’ve scared the wits out of him by shouting “Boo!” when he least expects it. It’s been a happy, giddy 180 days of togetherness for us.

Growing up, I’ve heard so many tales of woe about marriage. Many have warned me about the headaches and heartaches of matrimonial life and all the harsh responsibilities it brings, so I didn’t go into marriage blindly believing that it will be a bed of roses. Yet, another side of me was very optimistic. I knew I waited for the right man, and I knew my God created marriage, therefore it’s supposed to be a good thing. And so, with eyes wide open, I took the plunge 6th months ago and said my vows in front of a sea of smiling and sobbing family and friends.

Making a marriage work, as they say, is hard work and I believe in that. Anything worth keeping entails diligent toil. But, hey, I’m going to have great fun, while I’m working at it. I’m going to be the most joyful homemaker as I scrub the toilet and sort the dirty laundry. I’m going to hum as I cook. I’m going to be vocal about my appreciation for my husband’s efforts to make life better for us. And most of all, I’m going to remember to thank God for the big and small blessings of being married.

I am no relationship expert, but I do want to share some things I have learned while crossing over from single-blessedness to marital bliss.

. . . Do not be in a hurry to get married. Discover first who you really are and what you want to accomplish in life. Then, throw your life at it with a passion. Only when you are fulfilled and happy with yourself can you best share life with another person. Don’t just wait for the right person, be the right person.

. . . Choose well. God is very interested in helping you in this area and He knows who is best for you, so consult Him. Choose someone who share the same moral and spiritual background, if you want a peaceful home and a stable marriage. If possible, choose to marry your best friend–someone who love hanging out with and someone who makes you laugh. Remember, there’s no escaping this person when you are married.

. . .Keep your virtue. Premarital sex may be in vogue these days, but you don’t have to go in that direction to get a man. Wait for someone who will appreciate you for your convictions. Do not risk your future for a few hours of pleasure. You’ll be so glad you waited till your wedding night.

. . . Choose to serve and not be served. Enter your relationship with this mindset. Don’t expect the other person to make you happy. You are responsible for your own happiness. But do everything you can to make the other person happy. It’ll pay big dividends for your relationship.

. . . Spend time with your significant other’s family. It’s a surefire way of getting to know that person. How does this guy treat his mother or sibling? Is he respectful or rude and uncaring? Watch out, because that’s also the way he’s going to threat you when you’re already his wife.

. . . If you are not sure, don’t! The wedding preparation is a good time to get to know how good you both are in dealing with stress and conflict. If along the way, you figure that you are better off alone than engaged, better voice out now or forever hold your peace. Even if the wedding invites have already been sent, please don’t hesitate to back out if you are having doubts. It’s better to back out now, than to have your marriage annulled later. It will save you time, money and lot of heartaches.

. . . Make peace with your past. Any unsettled issue from your past will ultimately crop up in your marriage. Deal with them while you are single. Ask the God of mercy to heal your heart and set you free from any mental or emotional bondage that’s holding you back.

. . . Plan for the marriage, not just for the wedding. Read books, attend seminars and go for pre-marital counseling. Don’t be so caught up with the wedding planning that you forget to iron out things in your relationship. Learn from the counsel of happily and the not-so-happily married couples. You don’t have to go through marriage dazed and confused.

. . .Pray and discover your destiny in God. He has a unique plan and calling for each one of us. Don’t try to fit yourself into a mold. A friend recently admitted that she doesn’t want to get married. Well and good. “Maybe that is your calling and, that, too, is a good thing,” I told her.

Happy 6th month, Michaell! 🙂 I’m so proud to be your wife.

“At the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”
–Mark 10:6-9

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2 Comments

  1. Thanks Jen. I needed this. 🙂 Very inspiring. 🙂

  2. Jen,

    Gikasal ka na? Sowee… didn’t visit you often.

    I have a lil health problem and I just had my surgery a week ago. Oh, heto… home rehab ang sakit no? but I know, I’ll hurdle this lil commotion that I encountered and am almost there to defeat it.

    Congrats, lil systah! Am proud of you and may God Bless You Both and more power & success of being a married lady.

    Daming mga surprises!

    Enjoy the week-end and hugs to you both.

    //ate chie

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