A Confession

This morning I received a text message from a distressed friend. “You know,” she confessed, “I don’t understand what’s causing this deep sadness. I maybe in a crowd, but I still feel so alone. I find myself crying uncontrollably. I don’t understand this at all.” I was tempted to quote a Bible passage, but instead revealed that I’ve been feeling the same way. I am crying with you, I texted back.Yesterday I had a heart-to-heart talk with the members of the Bible study group that I am leading. At the risk of losing their respect, I told them about the faith crisis I am undergoing. The past months have been an emotional roller-coaster ride for me, having had to face turmoil in both my career and personal life. Now I honestly don’t know where my life is heading. I seem to have lost passion for the things I used to care deeply about and it scares me because I don’t think I can survive a long time just going through the motions.I had always acted brave in front of them, not wanting to let my disappointment with God affect their growing faith, but last night I was beyond my breaking point. Their reaction surprised me. As we were about to pray, A, one of the jolliest girls I know, broke the silence. “Naiiyak ako ( I feel like crying),” she admitted. With that, C too began to get teary-eyed. Then our sobs turned to laughter as we frantically searched for tissue paper. I had expected condemnation, but what I got was an outpouring of love and sympathy.Last night I told God, “ I may have misinterpreted all the things You told me, and have held on to promises that You didn‘t make, but I know I can still hold on to one thing, and that’s Your love for me.”Thank you, A and C, for letting me experience God’s unconditional love at this difficult time. . .–Written Dec. 6, 2004 (1:58 PM)